Spider

Ok, so I haven’t written in months and I apologize, but nothing like a good old fashioned scare to the heart to get you writing again. Today, I saw the biggest spider I’ve ever seen in my life apart from at a zoo. And no, I didn’t see it on the street or in a park or somewhere I could forget about it, it was in my room. Literally, the body of this thing was about the size of two quarters next to one another. That doesn’t count its legs, which had proper joints on them like humans. It also had fangs, real hissing fangs.

Yup, such a beast was just hanging out in my room, just before bedtime. I literally didn’t scream because I didn’t want to startle it and have it move. So I ran into Joce’s room and she came to survey the situation. She must have understood the no screaming thing as well. Since she was on the phone with her dad, she got some advice and went to get her whiffle ball bat (yup the old school fat red one, it was necessary, they don’t understand baseball in this country). 

On the other hand, I went to find a male who could properly deal with the situation. I knocked on the door of two of my neighbors. No luck. So I looked out on the balcony and saw that another neighbor across the courtyard was in his kitchen. So I ran downstairs and stood under his window flailing my arms in an attempt to get his attention. I did so he came to our flat and took a look. 

When he walked in, he said, “Oh that’s no big deal”.  But when the thing moved, he jumped so hard he broke my dresser drawers, but I couldn’t care less...

Oh yeah, he’d brought over one of his sister’s shoes with him, there was no way this heel was going to do anything for this thing. If we splattered it it would have created a huge mess on the wall. Plus, we were advised from some other Brits that Joce was on the phone with, that killing it might release babies and they would hatch (I thought that was cockroaches, but whatever). 

So this guy gets a Tupperware container, slams it over the thing and then closes the lid on it. Takes it home with him and puts in on its porch to basically suffocate...

I can’t sleep, because I’m sure there will be another one. There is a good reason to have screens on your windows. Why is England like a third world country? Even worse, Africa has nets everywhere, why does it seem so hard for these people? That thing was too big to get in through a crack in the wall. It just waltzed in from my big window that we keep open because they don’t have air conditioning here. Oh geez, screens people, screens.